The outcome of the reflection is: I will journey on! I am comforted by so many of you who share the self employment struggle -- (it is harder than working for someone else in case you were wondering!). I am also touched by so many of you who love what I do. Thank you all!
The final clarity came today when I was looking through my beloved books and came upon an old favorite called "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beck. (Find her monthly column in the O Magazine). I opened the book right to the chapter about taking risks. Seems that taking risks is task #5 of 10 tasks she prescribes to live a joyful life.
Martha says "The criterion by which you should decide which dangers to face, and which to avoid, is not your chance of succeeding but the depth of your desire. If you pursue only risks that are interwoven with your heartstrings, your life will be what it should be, no matter what the outcome of a given situation."
Wow, those are powerful words. Seems like I have taken way too many risks the past several years, but I am doing what I love. My heart says continue.
Bless you all for being there! Happy New Year!